art

lots of checkerboard by tatmanco



For sale: $265.00 Buy it now at Artbreak!








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Still lost after 6 years

I endured a sixth year anniversary of Coreys passing on monday, when will I find my true calling. I still feel so lost, I wish I could get out of this rut, well maybe one day.

I hate calling it an anniversary I need a different word for it : yearly solemnization maybe? maybe to obscure, oh well

I got my test results back from the 9 news health fair, looks like I will live a few more days, although I have been sick for a couple days and finally crawled out of bed after 36 hrs asleep
I did finally catch it from mom , just like I was afraid I would. Caught the last one from her too I need to get to work just to stay away from people and their illness's. That could also be depression speaking !!!!

So its after 1 am in the morning and I am sitting here in johnsons corner truck stop , I totally piged out on a chicken fried steak and hashbrowns and a pancake , I didn't eat it all, but alot of it . I lost ten pounds in the last two weeks. I need to lose more, alot more....

My current situation

So it has been awhile since I've had a chance to post here. Not that I really didn't have a chance but I haven't been compelled to write very much lately, I have been kinda busy around the house I am building a shed of the property to house all my belongings and that has taken up a fair amount of time the last week but what have I been doing since October.

I was working for RBI for a while about six months I imagine. That job turned into a nightmare but I'm glad to be away from it and I am looking for something local that I would like to do instead of driving over the road truck again.

I went to the 9 News health fair in Berthoud, Colorado the other day, just had to pay a small fee to get my bloodwork done and I also had my vision and my feet checked. There was a mental-health professional there, and we had a little chat. He asked me why I felt the need to talk with him and I explained that I still didn't feel like I was on my feet again even after six years since Corey's death. I think I almost had him crying but we had a good chat and I felt a little better afterwards but he suggested that I get some mental-health and maybe even get on some medication for depression. I don't know, sometimes it feels like it's better to feel too much than to feel too little. And being on medication for depression would limit the amount that I feel during the day.
It was odd that he agreed with me that I was torturing myself over Corey's death , I suppose it was the best conversation I have had with a man about Corey's passing. It just doesn't seem to be something most men are able to talk about with me.

He agreed also that the grieving process in this country really sucks. That we don't have the proper rituals to help us grieve. I am thoroughly disgusted with the amount of support that I received after Corey passed away. It was like most people just felt that I should tough it out as a man, that I didn't need the same support that Lynette got. I really do think it was disgusting

Well it is time to get to bed is 3:15 in the morning and I need to get up and work on the shed in the morning for awhile before I head to Greeley

Flugtag and dreamers

So I am out on the road driving truck again and I have run into my old self , not really me but oh so simular. I think I really use to sound like this guy A real dreamer that thinks of all these ideas but no way to ever make them happen. I was just that way for so many years

anyway

I got to hang out and watch the Baltimore Flugtag yesterday. If you don't know about flugtag, it is a bunch of people thatbuild homemade flying contraptions and push them off a thirty foot tall barg on a body of water and go for distance design and group personality (most of them fall straight into the water ) this event is put on by Red Bull energy drink
more later

eBays s*%& hits the fan

eBays s*%& hits the fan
For any of you that are not regular eBay customers or sellers you may not have heard about the recent increase in listing fees and final value fees for those people who sell stuff in the stores area.
eBay raised the price of their fees between 50% and 100% as of a couple days ago when they released a statement informing their sellers of the new pricing.
If you going to eBay and go into the community area, you can find a thread stating that Bill Cobb of eBay.com had 17,000+ e-mails in reference to the rate hikes. The fun part is to go through to read these posts from the eBay seller's and how every single one of them finds the rate hikes to be absurd.
I personally closed my eBay store within mere moments of reading the e-mail from Mr. Cobb. There is no possible way I would continue doing business with someone who doubled their fees on a whim.
And as usual in the e-mail that we received it was a bunch of nonsense sounding more like a political speech than real information as to why they recently raise the fees for us sellers.
I would like to ask all of you to avoid eBay at all cost. The sooner it goes away the better off we will all be. By avoiding buying or selling on eBay. We will make them see the error of their ways. Corporate America never cares about the people that they serve only the bottom dollar, and we cannot afford to let this huge monstrous corporation ruin the lives of the very people who make the money for this corporation, the people who barely make a living, trying to sell stuff in the eBay environment. Stand up for us little guys, stand up and be counted with your refusal to participate in eBay's ridiculous and selfish practices. Boycott eBay Boycott eBay Boycott eBay Boycott eBay

Profound thoughts

The only profound thoughtthat I have had is that I want one

Box Building and Pole Hanging

Box Building and Pole Hanging
As metaphors for life and the challenges, we face.

Lost, lonely in the dark freezing rain
Found by caring stranger, holds on, never letting go until in a safe place
Warm soft, safe, caring, surrounded by people whose Job it is to help  
When settled in, feeling safe  and communication lines are open, explains the process of life as odd shaped  blocks and Boxes , that must be fitted in there respective holes
Once a box is completed, it opens and you climb out feeling a sense of accomplishment and freedom
All of us are all in boxes that we make for ourselves
The difficulty of being young is like being in a small box
Success at small easy boxes is important to learn, that’s is why school is so important, Gives us time to grow  
Sometimes we make a box so difficult, that it is almost impossible to do. Failure can have a devastating effect on some people

Other times life is like a pole that hangs out over a 1000 ft drop, we hang out there on the pole daring someone to notice. Many people can see us out there Family, Friends, Co–workers, still we stay out there for so long sometimes.
Hanging on for along time ignoring friends, family and those in our lives that help and teach us, to show how strong we are to them
Fingers slipping
Family turns away, cannot watch you fall
The crowd below is gone; they have seen it all before, you have hung out there so long they do not see that you are in trouble and that you want help that you need help.
Finally, someone noticed
They grab on and will not let go until your safe

Some friends help, some help only for a while, others take and hurt while they call you friend.
Are your friends helping and encouraging your box building or are you only helping them?
  Did someone push you into hanging everything on the line every day you get up and out of bed? Do you want us to see you hanging there? Looking for a way out of the mess, you feel you are in.